Mars, Venus on Earth

I have an affinity for buying cool-looking, cheap books. With that said, I picked up a little title called A Practical Handbook for the Boyfriend (sales-pitchy-subtitle: For Every Guy Who Wants to Be One; For Every Girl Who Wants to Build One!). Oh, I got it at Strand NYC for $2.95; original list price was $22.95. Booyah!

The thing I love about this book is how much insight I've gotten in the intricate inner-workings of the female mind. Honestly, sometimes we do the craziest things and they're simply incomprehensible to me. And now I understand the "reasoning" behind it. It must suck to be a heterosexual male having to try and understand all this. I mean, I feel like I should have a leg-up on understanding this as a woman, but even I am baffled.

A few snippets that I thought were pretty handy:

• Your GF knows that no matter how much you love her, there are always going to be other babes to check out. Fine. We look, too. You're free to admire the eye candy when she's not around, but when you're together, just hold your head still and don't do it. Even if Eva Longoria walks by in a string bikini, don't ogle her in front of your GF. Trust us, it ain't worth it.
• The fact that you do things that annoy her, or that she does things to annoy you, will concern your GF. She will interpret it as discord, which will upset her, and she will respond in a way that seems way out of proportion to the situation. It's not a linear equation, it's Girl Math, and it goes something like this:
  
  He doesn't smile at the waiter = He's not kind, we have no future.
  He eats all the Junior Mints before the movie starts = He's selfish, we have no future.
  He sucks lobster out of its shell = He's gross, we have no future.
  He's late because his car had a flat tire = He didn't want to pick me up, we have no future.
  He keeps describing movies to me that we saw together = He doesn't notice I exist, we have no future.
  He didn't take a shower before our date = He's not excited to see me, we have no future.
  If I really loved him, I wouldn't notice this stuff = I might not love him, we have no future.
  I can tell he's annoyed when I drink white wine = He doesn't want me to have fun, we have no future.
  He hates that it takes me forever to come to a decision = I'm already annoying him, just wait till I let crazy out of the bottle, we have no future.

So much to learn, so little time. I highly recommend the book - it's a quick read and it's well-designed. And yes, my copy is available for you to borrow.