Self-Helped and Beloved

I'll admit it: I read self-help books every now and then. They seem to get a bad rep for being cheesy but for the most part, I love how helpful they are in understanding ourselves and the people around us. In spite of the Gouda. No, the authors aren't always right all the time, but you take bits and pieces that help you see things clearly and leave the rest.

Months ago I stumbled upon The 5 Love Languages via RJ's blog. I never read the book(s) but I did take the quiz and it reconfirmed what I have always suspected, but never verbalized: giving me gifts doesn't make me feel loved, but spending quality time with me does. My results:

Interpreting and Using Your Profile Score: 
The highest score indicates your primary love language (the highest score is 12). It's not uncommon to have two high scores, although one language does have a slight edge for most people. That just means two languages are important to you. The lower scores indicate those languages you seldom use to communicate love and which probably don't affect you very much on an emotional level. 

6 Words of Affirmation
12 Quality Time
2 Receiving Gifts
6 Acts of Service
4 Physical Touch

In Quality Time, nothing says "I love you" like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes you feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed activities, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.

A few things I took away from this:

• I made the boyfriend take the quiz and his results were pretty similar. Thankfully, this means we could just spend a lot of quality time together and we'll mutually feel loved at the same time. Perfecto!
• There's something about an expensive gift that actually rubs me the wrong way and I can't quite pinpoint why. Theories: (1) I feel like people are trying to buy my love, which monetizes my love and thus lessens its actual worth (i.e., priceless). (2) I can't and/or won't be able to fully reciprocate. (3) I would feel indebted. I HATE FEELING INDEBTED. Thankfully, this hasn't come up a lot. No, there's no long line of people waiting to give me new cars and expensive jewelry. Thank goodness! :-D
• I enjoy being hugged and kissed by the boyfriend but I'm pretty sensitive about other people - especially strangers - invading my personal space. 
• And, true to the results, I am hypersensitive when it comes to people whipping out their smartphones during our one-on-one interactions. Unless it's completely pertinent to our conversation, I do find it hurtful. I'm also sensitive to being kept waiting for more than 10 minutes. 

Anyway, I found this quiz to be very informative and helpful in understanding how and why I react the way I do to different things. I imagine that if you're in an intimate relationship with someone, you should know these qualities about them so that you can avoid hurting them or making them feel unloved unintentionally. Sure, you kind of inherently know these things, but the thing I like about these resources is that it spells it out with terminology and lingo built in to better understand it all.

Hope this helps you feel loved. :)